So here’s something that comes a little more naturally to some, and maybe not so naturally to others. If you’re like me and lean into independence and get-up-and-go-ness more, you too may find yourself in the latter group.
As serendipity would have it, I’m about to plunge into a whole lot of needing to ask for help, as I step into a rather ominous surgical procedure that will see me splitting no hairs about it. The life lesson is already not remiss on me a I foretell the months to come and the asking that I’ll be needing to do.
I’m reminded of a quote that say life always gives us what we need and not necessarily what we want. How might I need this then? Well, it’s a balance isn’t it. It’s all a give and take, and as one dear friend recently reminded me, people want to help. And that really struck me.
It’s actually meaningful and purposeful for people to help others and I realise that I often overlook that. I notice how easily I jump in to be the helper or assistant, and yes, it does feel satisfying to do, but I now better see, how I deny others the same opportunity… unless I absolutely have to. Like now!
Maybe there’s a whole back catalogue of meaning about the why’s and wherefore’s about it, but at the end of the day, I now find myself in a space where I can expect to get alot of very good and very real practise with it over the next months. And it’s a little scary if I’m honest.
This got me to thinking.
Why?
Why might we find it as I say, a scary thing, to lean into the vulnerability of being helped.
Does the nature of the help or request determine how OK we are with it? Does the helper and their attitude play a role? Are we afraid of ‘stretching the friendship’, so to speak? Is there a certain or perfect way that just predisposes our tendency to do things ourselves? Do we view it as an incapacity or flaw of some kind? What message do we send when we don’t ask for or easily accept help? What might it mean for our relationships? Is there something about trust or experience or the others' capacity?
Lots of great questions and exploration that I’ll no doubt be examining as I ‘ring my bell’ (for help).
I wonder what comes up for you as you read this. Is asking for help something you’re OK to do, or do you too baulk, as a first response. Methinks it might be well worth the reflection. Maybe for us all.